I spent my first weeks and even months in Casa Kiwi filled with all sorts of fears and tensions about whether or not these children would come to love me. They had just said goodbye to a woman whom for over two years had been a Mother to them: they were feeling sad and hurt and guarded when I arrived on the scene. So when, after I had been living here for a few weeks, all of a sudden four-year-old Little Miss M threw her tiny arms around me to squeeze tight and scream ¨I LOVE YOU!¨ I felt such relief and peace. It was like God was saying, ¨Don’t worry Babygirl, everything’s gonna be alright.¨ It was in the same month, February (the month of Looooove) when I heard the same words from the three other kids in the house, and each time I felt that peace all over again.
There’s just something about those words ¨te amo¨ that say so much. I love you says I like you, and I’m glad you’re here, and I feel safe with you and you matter to me. That was something I needed to hear in those first weeks and even months in this new house. I needed to know I meant something to them.
A few days ago I realized that it has been months since Miss M has said those words to me.. and maybe this is silly, but it worried me. It made me wonder and worry that M and I aren’t okay in our relationship. It made me question whether or not I have been spending enough time with her, and it made me doubt that I have affirmed her enough of how special she is to me. In Spanish it’s just two little words, but both their presence and their absence seem to signify a whole lot.
I just stepped outside to check on the kids: J is busy playing outside the front door on a highway he created out of sand & sticks, L is reading to our littlest boy, and our two five-year-old girls are bouncing around like fools on the trampoline = ) As I stood there watching J speed his cars around on the patio a certain little five-year-old came running up to throw her arms around my legs and squeeze tight. The words she squealed to me before she ran back to the trampoline? “¡BEE-TA-NI TE AMO!¨
I love how aware God is of all our needs, and I’m pretty sure God knew I needed to hear her say that to me, because with those words from Little M came that peace and relief all over again.. and I can hear God saying, ¨Don’t worry, Babygirl.. you’re doing great.¨