Tuesday August 30th 2011
Last winter I wrote an entry during my Children At Risk school about our week on Inner Healing. In it I shared that my teacher Christy Scott described to us a vision God had given her about what happened in His heart the moment that humanity began to doubt Him. This moment is found in Genesis 3:1, when Satan in the form of the serpent approaches Eve in the garden and says to her, “Has God really said not to eat from any tree in the garden?” Christy shared that what she saw was that when Eve heard those words “Has God really said” she began to believe that lie. Christy also described that she saw a hammer coming down hard, shattering the heart of God and little bits like jewels flew out in all directions to be hidden in the mud.
Me encanta (it enchants me) that vision, and I’ve been reflecting on it lately. Specifically those words “Has God really said?” Because I’m in a seemingly precarious place right now: I feel strongly that God has spoken to me that I am to do this Biblical Counseling school, which starts in three weeks, but financially it’s looking impossible. And I’ve recognized that this lie is trying to sneak it’s way in, this lie that says “Has God really said.?”
In the months that followed the words I received from God about doing this school I continued to press Him if it was really what He wanted that I do it, and He continued to confirm that yes, it is. About a month ago I asked Him again, and what I heard was this: “Why do you keep asking me this?” I laughed because He’s right, I don’t need to doubt what I know He has spoken. Recently I asked Him if He wants me to amp up my fundraising efforts, but what I felt is that He wants to show me that it’s by His power alone that He wants to make this school happen for me, and that He wants me to just trust Him with all I’ve got. What I heard was “Be still. And know that I am God.” which is a verse in Psalms.
So here I am, being still. And yet I already feel that joy of knowing God has come through for me in a mighty way, even though I’m still waiting, because I know that He will come through for me. And I know that for the rest of my life I will be able to share of that time when I was a poor missionary in Mexico curiously checking my bank account everyday and how at the last minute God sent me exactly what I needed to travel to Chile. Because our God is the God who provides. Our God is the God who keeps His promises. That’s something that my friend Natascha told me back in Tijuana when I told her what God had said about Chile, she told me to hang onto that, to hang onto what God had spoken to me. Well, I’m still hanging on! It kind of feels like a giant bouquet of helium balloons, you know. There’s this pressure where it feels like it’s going to slip out of my grasp and escape into the clouds, but I’m hanging on with all I’ve got because I know that Yes, God has really said.
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Tuesday September 13th
This weekend I bought a plane ticket for September 21st to SANTIAGO, CHILE!!!! It’s a purchase I’ve been wanting to make since March, but did not have the funds to do so until very recently. God has been teaching me to depend on Him for EVERYTHING, and my long wait to see Him come through for me financially has definitely deepened my trust in His provision. I am so thankful, not only to the Lord but for the people who obeyed when He moved their hearts to give to me. Thank you.